A woman’s breasts are a symbol of her natural ability to nurture and sustain a life other then her own. This ability is a blessing and a gift for ourselves and those that we care for. With any gift, there is the potential for misuse or possible abuse. As women, throughout our lives, we experience constant adjustment of our boundaries and roles so it is no surprise that we face some challenges here. Additionally, there is the social encouragement and approval for being the consummate nurturer. Our biology contributes by using hormones like Oxytocin to insure that nurturing feels good to us.
What happens when we become addicted to the feelings associated with nurturing or the social approval and start to abuse our natural gifts? We begin to feel exhausted and resentful towards those we care about the most and our health and relationships suffer. Overnurturing is stressful and it adds to the cancer causing effects of malnutrition, hormone imbalance, lack of exercise, and environmental toxicity.
Here are some questions that you can ask yourself to identify if you are overnurturing.
1. Are there people or situations that cause me to feel frequent resentment or exhaustion?
2. Do I use guilt or manipulation to get others to do things for me? Do I allow someone in my life to use guilt or manipulation with me?
3. How often do I use the word “should” when referring to the behavior of others or allow the word “should” to dictate my behavior?
4. Am I “mothering” someone who is not my young child? This includes, husbands, partners, bosses, coworkers, adult parents, adult children, or anyone that we are emotionally invested in.
5. How long has it been since I simply had FUN?
If you have identified a relationship that needs renegotiating, be certain that you are not alone. Don’t be afraid to ask a trusted counselor or a friend for help. Be aware that the person (or people) you have been overnurturing will most likely throw a temper tantrum when you set new boundaries, but it will pass. They will either grow up or find someone else to mother them. The important thing is that you have taken responsibility for your well being and using your gifts wisely. It is also vitally important that you discover what it is that nurtures you and give that to yourself on a regular basis.
Remember, no matter how old you are, there is a little girl inside of you who could use some attention. Nurturing yourself and others with healthy boundaries is just as important for preventing and treating breast cancer as is good nutrition, exercise, reducing environmental toxicity, surgery and medication.
Be Well
Lora Solomon RN MSN FNP
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